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A little piece of me

A little piece of me

I always thought life was a constant struggle, that life was about overcoming obstacles and surviving relentlessly.

My way of living was always survival, as if enjoying or savoring life was a prize, not a right. My great allies were guilt and restriction, demand and perfection, walls and tangible things.

I never imagined that something could go wrong, or that perhaps, things could be different; everything was predetermined, calculated, and planned in my mind since I was born.

My guide, fear, attachment. My description: apprehensive, distrustful.
My worst enemy, my mind, myself. My safe zone, avoiding change

Living for me was always difficult, I punished myself with thoughts, and when that wasn't enough, I punished my body with food. I was never taught to nourish my soul, so I malnourished my body.

My greatest pain, abandonment, I always lived knowing that the good would end, and that people would leave, so I never allowed myself to fully enjoy because getting too used to something or someone that made me happy could be destructive, as eventually, it would end or they would leave.

My worst enemy was always impermanence and uncertainty.
Ironically, today, I have made them my best friend and ally; impermanence and uncertainty go with me wherever I go, I don't take a step without them, and it was thanks to them that I found this new way of life, of fullness, peace, joy, deservingness.

It was thanks to them that I discovered that my safe zone would never be someone or something; it would be me.

Discovering that no matter what happens, I will always have myself is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the most difficult to understand.

Over the years, it has become clear to me that humans came to connect with themselves, and that can be the hardest thing, but ironically, it is the easiest and simplest way to live.

ENJOYING, BEING, FEELING. A way of living in impermanence, without attachments.
I have learned to live in constant surprise, being surprised by absolutely everything that life has given me. I connect and disconnect with myself, but I live to return to myself whenever I can and I strive to do so consistently.

If I could describe how I live, I would say that I live in another world; many people say I live in Narnia, and maybe it's true. I live in a world where nothing is so serious, so personal, or so important. The only thing that matters is my peace and that of others, and the rest will follow.

I live in a world where I try to give love, my best version, to all the people who cross my path, and I trust that it will be returned.
I live in a world where I constantly say, "screw it," and I laugh hysterically with whoever is beside me. Perhaps excessively, but oh how I enjoy it.

Many times it doesn't go well, and it's hard not to take things so seriously because we live surrounded by seriousness, but I try to stay there. In constant laughter and tears, living for today, squeezing my days, and my close ones.

Anyone who knows me knows that I live to spread, but I also live to learn... from people, from moments, from what cannot be seen.

Because that is exactly what life is to me, everything that cannot be seen, only felt

I would love to share my journey with you some day, and tell you all about how I got to a place where I deserve life, and life deserves me.... but that would take me not days, but years to tell ... anyhow, we´ve got time.

With much love 

comment 2 comments

Daniela calendar_today

Love you so much na, amo estar en todo tu proceso 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

bego calendar_today

proud of you pichona , whith love your best friend picho

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